They’d write every three months or so, sometimes sending photographs of their dogs. The letters are crammed full of chatter, family news, stories about life on the farm, weather reports and funny little Neapolitan proverbs.

Nonna’s no longer here but her voice is as loud and playful in these letters as it ever was in real life.

So I was very chuffed to read this letter from LeRoy Pollock to his 16 year old son Jackson, posted by a friend on Facebook (thanks Liam). Let me count the ways I love this. The gentle affection and formal, old-fashioned lilt. The beautiful mantra on life (“moral, don’t worry”). The way he says “Bully”.

It makes me smile and then I remember what it is to get a letter from far away.

Enjoy.

On one level, it’s a mispronunciation of human beings. On another, it’s a sinister reminder that this is how the other giants see people: as food.

It struck me this week that the bean counters in business describe people in a similar way.  No, not as food, that really would be sinister. People are seen as money, so they’re described in financial terms.

For example, one of the biggest clichés you’ll find on a company’s career page is:

‘Our people are our biggest asset.’

Are they? Really? Why, then, are people – those vital beings so important to a company’s success –often described in the dead language of finance? Why describe them as an asset, as if this is a compliment? Perhaps it’s the sneaky way words have of revealing what you really think and feel about something.

This week I was putting together a workshop on HR writing and came across this:

Human Capital.

Eugh.

For me, Human Capital is far less, er, human than Human Resources (which got language grump John Humphrys in a lather and made WMW foamy with rage, too).

It’s easy to see their point. You can interpret resources as something negative and inhuman – resources to be mined, for instance, or as a synonym for income or possessions.

But to my mind, resources can also be positive. It means means. That’s not a typo – means as in ‘the means’, or ‘wherewithal’ (now there’s a word that doesn’t get used enough in business). Then there’s ‘resourceful’ which, if your average recruitment ad is to be believed, is one of the most sought-after qualities in an employee.

But Human Capital? These days it’s difficult not to read this as anything other than a synonym for ‘expensive overhead’.

These words help businesses categorise people in financial terms and to value them. Which is crucial if the business is going to be efficient. But when described in such inhuman terms, the value a business ascribes its people doesn’t always match how valued those people feel.  

An old boss of mine used to refer to his employees as ‘Mobile Cost Units’.

Ironically, he said.

I wonder if they heard it that way?

While most brand writing is about as distinctive as a can of Fosters, Jack Daniels’ copy is as recognizable as it’s maple-flavoured liquor. The Deep South drips through every word.

What I especially like about Jack Daniels’ copy is that it goes against many of the rules you’re taught as a copywriter. This slow, quaint tone of voice is the polar opposite of the strip-everything-back style you see in most print ads. And it’s all the better for it. Here’s why.

1. It’s long

Ever since a study revealed that the most successful ads use short headlines, ad copywriters have stuck slavishly to 8 words per headline. It’s as if Jack Daniels deliberately want to break this rule. And it’s not just in headlines. The syntax slows you down, but not in an awkward or irritating way. Quite the opposite. The long lines invite you to spend time reading the copy rather than skipping straight to the call to action.

2. It’s formal

How many times do you see the words ‘gratified’ in an ad? What brands could get away with using this word without sounding old-fashioned? Here it expresses the mannered tone of the Deep South. They’ve even changed the legal note at the bottom more to make it polite: “Please drink reponsibly. Much obliged.” 

3. You really can hear a real person talking

A classic test for tone of voice is to read copy out loud so you can hear ‘personality’ in the writing. Some brands (Virgin, innocent – you know the ones) achieve this. But it’s still ‘we the company’ talking. Reading Jack Daniels copy, you get the sense that it’s very much ‘I’ – there’s only one person talking. They haven’t so much added character. They’ve created one.  

OK, you might say Jack Daniels tone of voice is all an act. Twee, even. Like a distillery guide who deliberately puts on a Southern drawl for the crowd.

Yes – it may have been written by a copywriter in New York. And no – I don’t imagine that everyone at Jack Daniels actually speaks like this.

But that doesn’t matter. Every tone of voice is a creation of some kind or other. What I like about Jack Daniels is they’ve had the courage to create a genuinely distinctive way with words. While many global brands choose to dilute their tone of voice to suit a global audience, this is brand writing straight up, no water.  

Two ‘brand accents’ from our homelands

At The First Word we have a Northerner from England and a Southerner from Italy.

Neil the Notherner on Plusnet: “It’s not just their writing. You could say their entire brand is built on a Yorskhire accent – one that immediately confers straightforwardness and honesty. By ‘eck! Etc. I’m not bothered. It sounds genuine enough and it might even be a source of pride. After all, people love Hovis – why not Plusnet? Well, they might have to sort their customer service out first.”

Cristina the Southerner on Dolmio: “Please don’t ever associate Dolmio with Italians. The ads are both banal and offensive, if that were possible. Makes me want to jettison the TV out the window every time I see it. Utter tripe.” 

This begs the question: do ‘brand accents’ only work outside the region they’re spoken? And if so, what do Tennesseeans make of Jack Daniels’ tone of voice?

We’re bound to have missed some – tell us about the brand accents you love or loathe.

First up: @ BritishAirways  

Follow this account if you’re in North America. Our global account is @British_Airways please follow for relevant news http://bit.ly/cFd8Yt 

Is this the blandest profile on Twitter? There’s certainly no attempt at personality. We’re told to follow news that’s ‘relevant’. A pointless instruction – the tweet equivalent of saying ‘click here’. It sounds like an announcement at an airport, pushing us from one place to the next. I’m waiting to be told my bags haven’t arrived.  

Anyway, onto a tweet:

Apologies, Megan, you did not receive the service you expect & deserve. We’d apprec your feedback here: http://bit.ly/ei1Zi7

Using the customer’s name is a nice touch then… BA using abbrs! Never thought I’d see the day. Maybe it’s because this is the North American account. Not sure about ‘apprec’ though. Sounds like they’ve got something stuck in their throat.

Let’s try @British_Airways instead.

Sorry we have no information on ground transport. You could try contacting Toulouse Airport.

Ah, that’s more like it. The British British Airways. No abbreviations. Touch of airport jargon. Passing the buck onto another company.

And another:

Sorry for the problems you have had getting through to us. Unfortunately you will need to speak to someone to discuss your booking.

Why is it unfortunate? Is this ‘someone’ going to be wilfully mean and unhelpful? Actually, don’t answer that.  But hang on. Elsewhere it sounds like a real person talking:

Milly (&Charlie) sorry to hear that. Pleased you can still smile about it

Maybe the tone improves because the message is vaguely positive. Which is the best we can say about BA’s tweets.

Right, @easyJet, can you do any better?

A pinch more personality in the profile and a perky agent – the unfortunately named ^EW – who’s very friendly considering how much she has to say sorry:

Sorry to hear that Mark, hope you will give us another chance in the future. 

Sorry for the delay Alicia. Hope you had a nice and smooth flight with us. ^EW 

But it’s not all apologies. Every now and then there’s what looks to be – gasp! – a conversation going on. One that’s not even about flying. This tweet looks to be a book recommendation (there’s even a smiley face).   

My suggestion is ‘Ivanhoe’ by Scott. I lov this one ^EW

Lov? ^EV might like books, but I’m not sure she’d make a very good editor – the tweets are riddled with typos:

Sorry you couldn’t get hold on our Spanish Team. Is there anything I can help you with? ^EW

Ooh that slippery Spanish team.

Elsewhere there’s a bit of a mixed personality. It’s formal one minute and informal the next (plus another typo):

Great you had fun with us you would like to have a photo in captain & cabin outfits? ^EW

You might get away with this on email or over the phone, because you can adapt your tone to the person you’re talking to and the interaction stays between two people. But on Twitter the inconsistencies are there for all to see. Of the two, the informal tone is definitely closer to easyJet’s brand.

And the winner is… easyJet

BA’s tweets conjured up an image of an alabaster-faced air stewardess: bland, high-handed and a bit stiff. easyJet’s tweets are much more personal. Particularly noticeable were the conversations the advisor struck up with customers. And that only happens when you’re friendly.

Well done easyJet. Just remember to proof before you tweet.

I wouldn’t usually open a blog by quoting Elton John. I am today, but only so I can immediately disagree with him. That’s because I think sorry is actually one of the easiest words. Allow me to demonstrate: ‘I’m sorry’. There, simple.

Not only is it simple, it’s sincere. In fact, sorry is the most sincere word you can use to apologise. You can add  ‘really’ or ‘extremely’. But no other word says sorry better than sorry.

No regrets 

Given the power of the word sorry, I’m amazed that businesses and governments seem to willfully avoid it. Like this:

‘We sincerely regret that this incident occurred.’

Ah, regret. Nothing says ‘I’m being forced to write this’ than regret. This line could have been taken from a letter about a cancelled flight or an incorrect bill. In fact it was issued by the controller of public accounts in Texas, when it was revealed that the names and social security numbers of 3.5 million people had been published on their website. A good time to use the s-word, you’d think.

When I’ve asked people in writing workshops why they use regret instead of sorry, the usual defence is that it sounds more appropriate (i.e. formal) in a letter. In the 1940s, maybe. But these days it just sounds reluctant and stuffy.

I’ve also heard the argument that regret avoids liability, whereas sorry will land you in court. I won’t go into the legal technicalities, suffice to say that it’s very hard to get sued for saying sorry in a customer service letter. And besides, there’s a simpler way to solve this dilemma: if you’ve made a mistake (you the individual or you the company), you should apologise. If you haven’t done anything wrong, you shouldn’t apologise. And if you’re not sure, check with someone who is. Just don’t fob your customer off with regret.

Empty apologies

There’s one apology commuters hear all the time: ‘Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconvenience caused.’ The word apologies is more sincere than regret. Just. But this line still doesn’t sound sincere. Not least because it’s become the standard announcement for pretty much any company whose job it is to get you from A to B.  There is only one word that can make up for this lacklustre apology. And I think you know what that word is.

The First Word’s checklist for saying sorry
 Here’s some sound advice for saying sorry like you mean it, starting with a rather contrary rule.

1. You don’t always have to say sorry (bear with us on this one)
A recent Channel 4 documentary, Undercover Bosses, gave us a behind the scenes look at nPower’s call centre in Durham. Inside, a sign on the wall read: ‘Say sorry to show empathy’. As a result, the teams at nPower’s call centre say sorry to placate angry customers, regardless of whether they deserve an apology or not. Which, of course, undermines their apology altogether.

Empathy is not a way to say sorry. It’s a way to show you understand how the customer feels. Like this:

‘I can understand your frustration about…’

‘I realise how distressing this has been for you…’

‘I was sorry to hear…’

You can use the word sorry to express empathy, as in the last example. But that  doesn’t make it an apology.

Top tip. Before you write anything, first of all decide whether the customer deserves an apology. If they do, offer a sincere and unequivocal apology. If they don’t, show empathy.

2. Be upfront
When someone feels they deserve an apology, they want to see one straightaway. And if they don’t, they’ll usually skip through the text until they do. Which means there’s no point trying to defend the mistake before you’ve said sorry. You’ll only make your customer more angry.

Top tip. Deal with the emotion first by saying sorry. Then move onto the rational bit - the explanation.

3. Be specific
There’s nothing more annoying than an apology that reads like a standard response. So if a customer writes this:

‘My family and I flew with you to Barcelona on August 12th, where you managed to lose our checked-in luggage. It then took you a full four days to recover it. I have three sons and your mistake cost us a day of our holiday because we had to go and buy new clothes for them. That’s not to mention the considerable stress the whole incident caused to the start of our trip to Spain.’

It would be insensitive to write this:

‘I regret you were dissatisfied with the recent flight you took with us.’

This apology is bound to fall flat because it lacks any specific details. It sounds cut-and-paste. Compare it with this response:

‘I am very sorry we lost your bags when you flew with us to Barcelona recently. I understand how frustrating and stressful this must have been, especially as you had to spend a day of your holiday buying clothes for your family.’

Top tip. Be specific by reflecting back what’s important to the customer.

At least you don’t have to apologise for this…

It’s not easy having to apologise to customers all the time, especially when you personally haven’t done anything wrong. So the next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, watch this. It’s possibly the most (in)famous public apology in history, by one of the greatest public speakers of all time. It’s a masterclass in the art of saying sorry. It’s also a reminder to the rest of us that, when we apologise, at least we don’t have to do it on TV. In front of millions. About our sex life.

Take it away, Bill.